OMG, I Am So Bored In This Relationship!

It is inevitable, like death and taxes.  Sooner or later you are going to get bored with your spouse.  Who knows?  If you are reading this, maybe you already are. 

You have a wonderful spouse and you couldn’t see yourself with anyone else, but you feel like something is missing.  There aren’t any major arguments or resentments.  You still like your spouse and your spouse likes you.  

When you first notice this feeling, you tell yourself that it will go away like a bad cold.  A couple of months pass and the feeling is no longer lurking in the corner lke a little bitch, but is actively stalking you.

I mean, you feel lucky to have a spouse that loves you, yadda, yadda, yadda.   Maybe, you just have too much time on your hands.   Or you may even manage to acknowledge the feeling , "OMG, I am so bored! "

You have a choice now: continue to deny that there is an issue, run faster or bail. All of these approaches work.  I know because I have used all of them.  I have watched other people use them. The thing is... they don’t work that well for very long.  

This is going to sound nuts, but the solution is to be OK with being bored. 

It is not going to kill you to be bored.  There are some actual benefits to boredom.  Time slows down, you have time to appreciate the little things, you become more creative, and you get the opportunity to see that boredom is not the end of your relationship.  It is a time to recharge, pivot, and add some fun tools to the toolbox.

The goal is to preserve the couple bubble. 

In Wired for Love, Stan Tatkin, PSYD, describes the couple bubble as “the mutually constructed membrane, cocoon, or womb that holds a couple together and protects each partner from outside elements.”

Here are a couple of ideas.

• Play hide and seek in the house.
• Play strip Uno.
• Make a naughty deck of cards from the book, Daily Sex: 365 Positions and Activities for a Year of Great Sex.  Have your partner choose three cards, then execute! 
• Stare into each other’s eyes for 5 minutes (It is harder than you think, aim for 5, be happy with 2.)
• Go rock wall climbing.

So a few things: don’t panic because you are bored, use the time to reboot, then find an activity together that takes you out of your routine. 

Look for my review of "Wired for Dating" by Stan Tatkin, PSYD, due to be published January 2016.

Happy Loving!