More Sex

Economist Seth Stephen-Davidowitz's op-ed, in the New York Times, offers that misplaced anxiety is decreasing the frequency of sex in America.  In Searching for Sex, Seth says that the number of Google searches for “sexless marriage" are three and a half times more common than “loveless marriage".

At first glance, this information could be surprising.  However if you think about it, people searching for solutions to a sexless marriage probably still love their spouses; hence the higher numbers.  Once the love is gone, there is less impetus to look for a solution. 

Committed relationships provide us with support and comfort.  They act as a foundation for the rest of society.  The opinion piece suggests that one reason for "sexless marriage" is misplaced anxiety about our physical appearance, i.e. too fat, is it big enough. 

That could be, but I think that the daily grind is a bigger contributor.  Our energy goes where our priorities are: work, kids, etc.  For fun, make a list of your priorities in your life.  Let's say relationship is in the top 5.  What are your priorities for your committed relationship?   Where does sex land on the list? 

A committed relationship without sex is like beer with no buzz. (my opinion)

In the past, when the subject has come up with clients, I have heard something along the lines of “I don’t want to plan sex. That takes the spontaneity out of it.” 

Planned sex is better than no sex.  (my opinion)

Ok, if sex is not in the top 5 of your relationship priority list, what would it take to move sex up one slot?   Better yet, what would your life look like if it were higher up on the list?  

One of the best things about being an adult is physical intimacy.  It is even better in a committed, loving relationship. 

If this is an issue that you would like help with, I invite you to subscribe to my blog.  I will send you a list of resources and exercises that I have used successfully with my clients.

Previously posted on practicethislife.blogspot.com